Tag Archives: wanting

Baby steps

I cradled my hot bowl of fresh-off-the-stove mac and cheese, padding to my room.

“Stinks, mam’s calling you in the kitchen,” I said, grabbing my little brother’s butt. He squirmed out of reach with a squeal and dashed out of sight.

I plopped my own onto my bed, inhaling the aroma of cheesy goodness I contemplate the possibilities of tomorrow. Statistics and Bio paper 4. I’m not going to even bother to wonder about the odds that I’ll pass or not, not when I haven’t gone about writing them as yet. My study of the stats syllabus is incomplete but admittedly much easier than Pure Maths, I’ll do what I can. I swallowed a huge warm spoonful.

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Artist unknown. Click to see source. Image, sadly removed for copyright avoidance purposes.

AL Biology is more familiar, friendlier turf not necessarily simple but I like the challenge. I hadn’t completed my reading in time, I can only blame myself. I stayed up till this morning dismantling the seemingly complicated processes of the Krebs Cycle and oxidative phosphorylation. It’s kind of funny how last year when I wrote the first half of same test I didn’t understand some things, this year again still but it was only recently these blocks and bits of concepts began to assemble and click into place. I had to keep knocking around these ideas and assumptions, these proven facts of life and it’s tangible components, otherwise I won’t learn anything at all. It’s a glorious feeling, enlightenment.

These courses demand more responsibility on my part rather than on my professor, in the beginning I was afraid, reluctant even. Then I though to myself, “here I am, this person who thinks she can be independent and self reliant, for how long am I going to wait on someone to give me what I want? It doesn’t work like that. Buck up!”

I’m coming to terms with taking my interests in my own hands, me shaping me from the raw materials up to whatever what I see myself becoming. I am soft, rich clay. I am the vase that will sculpt itself into functional work of art, even if to be admired by myself alone in some obscure corner.

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Quote of the day: Sylvia Plath

Sylvia Plath

“I can never read all the books I want; I can never be all the people I want and live all the lives I want. I can never train myself in all the skills I want. And why do I want? I want to live and feel all the shades, tones and variations of mental and physical experience possible in life. And I am horribly limited.”
Sylvia Plath (via goodreads.com)
~*~
This is one of the  few quotes that I have come across that speaks directly to me because this is exactly how I feel. It’s nice and at the same time strange (in a good way) how no matter the distance, someone on the other side of the globe can be having the same thoughts as you.

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