Tag Archives: suicide

Anthony Bourdain, so long amigo.

“Travel isn’t always pretty. It isn’t always comfortable. Sometimes it hurts, it even breaks your heart. But that’s okay. The journey changes you; it should change you. It leaves marks on your memory, on your consciousness, on your heart, and on your body. You take something with you. Hopefully, you leave something good behind.”

– Anthony Bourdain, 1956 – 2018

Last Friday was a mixed bag that only got shitter with the news of Anthony’s passing. I don’t know if I should be surprised or not at the impact of his abrupt absence. Parts Unknown was a bright spot in my week, eventually, he became a good friend of the family. He was the Uncle that’s never home for the holidays but sends neat stuff and questionable recipes.

Tony’s energy, his nonchalant poetry, gifted storytelling, dry humour, love for people and hunger for both the next meal and adventure… revived a dormant creature within me, the wild thing who knew I was responsible, I’m to be held accountable for my own wanderings that I must set out.

He was hurting at the hands of his demons, whatever they were and I’m sorry that he felt ending his life was the only choice, more so that I could possibly explain. Was it selfish? You can say that but there are a lot of things, aspects of the man, that will always remain a mystery. And who are we to judge?

Most of all? I regret he won’t get to experience another rainfall, to breathe in another lungful of fresh spring air or to taste a new exotic dish, that he didn’t get to meet new folks and immerse himself headfirst into yet another unknown to map and learn and to share with the rest of the world.

I give my deepest sympathy for his family, friends – most especially Eric Ripert-, and colleagues at CNN … and to the rest of us who he’s touched, however briefly. The world may be poorer without him but he’d given us himself in return, and what a gift that is.

Did you guys have a favourite episode of Parts Unknown, do you remember your first one? What interview or meal intrigued you? A favourite quote? 

I know it’s not easy to confide in another person, however close they are to you and perhaps it’s because they are, it’s crucial we make an honest-to-goodness attempt to give ourselves a chance to move past our own demons, to live a happy life, whatever that looks like to you. In the darkest times, we lack perspective, to see how much we can matter to another human being. I know.

So please. Do the bravest thing you might ever have to do. Ask for help. Here’s a link to some excellent resources a good friend of mine sent to me.

HELPGUIDE.ORG | Are you feeling suicidal?

I hope you safe and thriving.

Devina

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Filed under News, Quotes, Television, Thoughts, Travelling

An open letter to a stranger

This is a bit long and contains some profanity. I implore you to read it though, it’s sincerely meant and for all to read.

Hey, how are you?

I’m writing from my desk when I could be, arguably, doing more important things. However, I believe that this may be one of the most crucial things I ever could do … writing this letter to you.

I remember becoming excruciatingly aware of the passage of time a couple of years ago but none has rivaled the year that was 2016. I could bitch about it to no end, about the mistakes I made and how increasingly small I feel in this yawning old world that knows how to squeeze happiness out of a soul as much as it knows how to inspire an all-consuming will to live simply by existing in all its majestic beauty.

Sounds really poetic, doesn’t it? You know, poetry isn’t all pretentiousness, not all the time anyway. It’s the insincere assholes with some underhand agenda and something to prove that spew nonsensical drivel, giving the rest of us a bad name.

What did you learn from the past year? Did you pet many dogs? Got braces?  Did you get that promotion you toiled after? Or did that jerk with the broad white smile grin his way into the spot?

I hope you quit smoking, if not I’m tempted to send you what a smoker’s internal body cavity looks like. Yeah, go on looking disgusted and fed up with the well-meaning but unsolicited advice. It’s just … I want you to know that somebody out there cares.

Look up

I’m sorry that your brother/sister/mother/father died. I mean, I wouldn’t have known them personally but that new absence is a black hole in the fabric of your reality and I know that shit isn’t light, yeah? I remember when my grandad died three years ago, at the viewing before we took his empty vessel to the burial ground to be cremated into the open air … one of my grand-uncles told me to be strong. What he meant was “don’t cry”.

What the actual fuck even? I’ll tell you what I did. I cried. I cried because I don’t flow with that stoic shit. Because my grandfather was one of the most important people in my life and I hardly knew him. Even when I’d lived with him up until that last day. I did know that alcoholism screwed up what could have been a more promising life past his post in the riot squad.

But that was sixty years ago. The man I knew suffered withdrawal from the bottle, pissed and full of vinegar one day, and peaceful and jovial the next. He evened out eventually, but then came the mild assault of Alzheimer’s and the more prevalent Parkinsons that got worse after his fall. I laugh a little because the man could still quote Shakespeare off his head. He was a decent human being that made mistakes and paid for them. We moved on and lived as best as we could, but looking back today it was a half-life and the waste was mine. It was all of ours.

So when I was told to be strong … Continue reading

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Filed under My Photography, Thoughts, Writing

An open letter to the suicidal

(US and International suicide hotlines at the end)

Dear fellow humans,

If you made it past a really bad yesterday it means that you’re still here today, able to reach a computer, your eyes aren’t burning badly and too blurry from exhaustion. That’s a lot than what some people can say, the ones that collapse into an unconscious heap, sleep-starved. I don’t know what your life is like so I’m not going to pretend that I do but I have an idea of  how it can knock a body down.

It’s extremely saddening to hear when someone gives up on the whole business of existing. Suicide isn’t the solution. If anything, it makes life even more terrible for those still alive. This is issue has been plaguing me off and on for the past few months; why is it so appealing? Oblivion? But what use is that? When so many people are fighting every second, grabbing with hands and feet onto the thread that still binds them to life.

“There’s no such thing as an ordinary human.”

~The (ninth) Doctor

To friends and family and co-workers and even strangers

I understand it’s difficult to spot when when someone is thinking about committing suicide but whenever you see a friend depressed or withdrawn, try to talk to them. A lot of people feel unloved and not cared for, that they’re so insignificant that their absence won’t even matter. Show them that you’re there whenever they need you.

I honestly can't remember where I found this and I sincerely hope it's not something I be sue over.

I honestly can’t remember where I found this and I sincerely hope it’s not something I could be sued over.

To you, the suicidal

Don’t do it. Please please please don’t. You’re so much more than nothing. You can turn around if you try and you really have to try. If not for your sake now, think about the family and friends and the strangers you’ll never meet, because you can affect everyone of them. One man caused the holocaust, he made that difference. So what change can you, a good person, make?

“900 years of time and space and I’ve never met anyone who wasn’t important.”

– The (tenth) Doctor

You can be so much more. There might not be anyone else there for you but you. You are all that you have and you can be strong. I know, personally, someone who very nearly killed herself for the most stupid reason and today she see’s what a fool she was. Not all worries are stupid, or inconsequential but if you’re still breathing the next day, well, it means that it hasn’t destroyed you. If you can survive another day then you can do it again, again … and a thousand other days.

Continue reading

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Filed under Health, Interests