Anthony Bourdain, so long amigo.

“Travel isn’t always pretty. It isn’t always comfortable. Sometimes it hurts, it even breaks your heart. But that’s okay. The journey changes you; it should change you. It leaves marks on your memory, on your consciousness, on your heart, and on your body. You take something with you. Hopefully, you leave something good behind.”

– Anthony Bourdain, 1956 – 2018

Last Friday was a mixed bag that only got shitter with the news of Anthony’s passing. I don’t know if I should be surprised or not at the impact of his abrupt absence. Parts Unknown was a bright spot in my week, eventually, he became a good friend of the family. He was the Uncle that’s never home for the holidays but sends neat stuff and questionable recipes.

Tony’s energy, his nonchalant poetry, gifted storytelling, dry humour, love for people and hunger for both the next meal and adventure… revived a dormant creature within me, the wild thing who knew I was responsible, I’m to be held accountable for my own wanderings that I must set out.

He was hurting at the hands of his demons, whatever they were and I’m sorry that he felt ending his life was the only choice, more so that I could possibly explain. Was it selfish? You can say that but there are a lot of things, aspects of the man, that will always remain a mystery. And who are we to judge?

Most of all? I regret he won’t get to experience another rainfall, to breathe in another lungful of fresh spring air or to taste a new exotic dish, that he didn’t get to meet new folks and immerse himself headfirst into yet another unknown to map and learn and to share with the rest of the world.

I give my deepest sympathy for his family, friends – most especially Eric Ripert-, and colleagues at CNN … and to the rest of us who he’s touched, however briefly. The world may be poorer without him but he’d given us himself in return, and what a gift that is.

Did you guys have a favourite episode of Parts Unknown, do you remember your first one? What interview or meal intrigued you? A favourite quote? 

I know it’s not easy to confide in another person, however close they are to you and perhaps it’s because they are, it’s crucial we make an honest-to-goodness attempt to give ourselves a chance to move past our own demons, to live a happy life, whatever that looks like to you. In the darkest times, we lack perspective, to see how much we can matter to another human being. I know.

So please. Do the bravest thing you might ever have to do. Ask for help. Here’s a link to some excellent resources a good friend of mine sent to me.

HELPGUIDE.ORG | Are you feeling suicidal?

I hope you safe and thriving.

Devina

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No mas: in which I rant

Fair warning for those of the delicate sensibility, I cuss in this one.

Readers, I am aware that you don’t know me, my temperament, disposition and my limits. I am also aware that my anonymity has been somewhat compromised due to my own naivety in the early days of this blog when I was jubilant in my digital “creation”. As a result, I’m incapable of truly speaking my mind without some repercussion but perhaps a little censorship is what I need to keep myself from being too reckless.

That all said, have you ever been in a spot where you have a significant position in your workplace but your subordinates take advantage your decency and kindness to do stupid shit over and over again despite telling them multiple times to not do that specific act of fuckery? I sincerely hope you never have to. And I place a hand at my heart in commiseration if you have and still do.

Perhaps this is a good time to scrap the second-person tense and be real here. I also know someone near and dear to my heart, call her Lily, in this exact situation, it’s a family owned business. So this thing happened a while back. I know how difficult it is to be taken seriously when you’re a young boss, professional and fair but the staff has little respect because somehow the close to non-existant age gap means that respect is a fucking option, I mean, screw the fact that she’s your boss, amirite?

There’s work to be done, shelves to be packed, expiry dates to be checked and prices to be updated but somehow she’s to be at their backs do get a basic workday going on top of her administrative duties. Tell me, is that fair? Obviously, there’s more to the situation (which has been taken into hand) that I can’t tell you but you get the gist.

Lily and I happen to work together and we’re both not usually confrontational people, we just want to get the job done a pleasantly and efficiently as possible. But I’ve learned that she needs to be super stern not let an amicable expression pass for them to take her seriously. And even then she’s a bitch if she’s closed off. There are no pleasing these people.

But that right there is the kicker, she has no business pleasing them, the staff to whom she’s been nothing but courteous. But there’s a serious human resources problem where we are, the economy is bust and the youngsters are range from listless wraiths, to

Halp, can’t read me books

I’m clenching my teeth as I type this. It’s April. April, for goodness sake and I haven’t got one book read. Well, that’s not true if you count the two volumes of the stellar webcomic OMG Check Please by the one and only Ngozi Ukazu (you guys can’t tell right now but this comic brings me to tears. Tears of pure joy. Like I’m literally tearing up at this moment because I just saw her latest episode and ugh! Check this shit out.)

Just a sample of my TBR box.

Ahem. As I was saying, that would technically be *squints* two books. Last year was a decent year at seventeen books (shadow reads are not counted *blushes*). Now, that count doesn’t sound very hot but it’s all quality over quantity and I realized maybe that’s what’s been putting me back on this year’s quota of a modest 18 books. What I’m going on about is that I’d decided I should be reading more non-fiction this year and I’ve started to take notes too. When I was going through Susan Cain’s Quiet (btw, I didn’t finish) I was beginning to see how little I was assimilating what I was pouring over, hence a special notebook for that stuff.

That’s all and good but I … *sighs* I am officially an adult now so I have work, but I daydream waaaay too much and I procrastinate which eventually means I’m chasing my own ass finish stuff. Naturally, the only time I can read is late at night but since there’s a lights out policy at home I can only read on Kindle. And that brings up two other problems 1) the books I want to read aren’t digital so I need light and 2) and when I do read on the thing I’m a cranky mad woman the next day.

But my current problem is more pressing. I can’t read anything proper. I have a decent to-be-read pile with some interesting choices *sighs sadly* I can’t … read.