What should I do when I feel useless as I feel right now? I can sense the others’ agitated auras at the mention at my name. It’s my fault after all, I can say that the magnetism of the stagnating space I occupy is overwhelming, and it is true. But. But, it’s not like I cannot do something about my state of lethargy. Quite frankly, I’ve gotten lazy. I hate it, I do. I don’t make any excuse. I keep trying to be good, to get better and not be a waste of existence but … I feel a weight of something hanging over me, a subtle pressure and it seems to absorb the shadows around me. I can feel the blackness of it, it’s quite seductive really.
At intervals I exclaim with bursts of inspiration and resolve and my horizons look endless, lit with lights of possibilities. Then it wears out. I constantly need to be energized. Is something wrong with me? I don’t think so. How can I get out and see places and do things if I can’t get my act together? How can I aid those around me? I hope that useless isn’t the only thing I’m good at being.
Yes. I’m a wee depressed and I believe I have to resort to sleeping pills, again. I hate those as well but they usually help. I don’t normally write such personal posts but in doing this I want it to count for something.
I hope you lot are better off.