When you were a toddler, little more than a babe, you and your younger sister played in the playpen in the kitchen/office downstairs. It was only the two of you then, the other three would come later, ushered in with the twenty-first century.
Your mother was frustrated half the time, still, a bit overwhelmed having married your father two years before, then you and your sister came almost one after the other. Adjusting to another household, a new set of parents, and helping out in the fast food place they ran, a pace and life so much different to the one she’s always known. You wouldn’t know this, not for years and years to come will you join the dots and realize her quiet bravery.
Belief in oneself is of utmost importance if you want to live a fulfilling life.
Not simply just convincing yourself that you can do this or you can accomplish that. It’s about stripping away sinews of doubts, fears and perceptions down to the bone of the fact that you can do whatever you damn well want. Yeah, sure it’s easier said than done yada yada … but it does not change that it is true.
“Whether you think you can, or you think you can’t–you’re right.”― Henry Ford
I remember this in the nick of time when I’m sizzling and popping in that frying pan and catching myself just before I fall into the fire. But living on the edge all the time is exhausting and it ages you.
The thing is to remember this every day, and I might have to scribble it on a sticky-note and put it up in my room. Bit by bit etching it into our consciousness, like developing a sort muscle memory.
And there is power in this epiphany. That’s the power that’ll push us through some terrible times, that will keep us lean in times of plenty.
We need every bit of it we can get.
Thank God for mothers, and if you’re an atheist then thank … the universe? Thank goodness. I love mine, and there are moments times when I am acutely aware of how fortunate I am. She’s funny, kind and well, very motherly. Seldom do I see her genuinely serious and friends, those are times to thread lightly. Like right now, I can just walk up to her and give her an impromptu hug (most hugs are, aren’t they?) and she’ll give me a mama grizzly’s feathery embrace.
Why am I thinking about mam? I’m pissed at particularly no once person or group of persons, at the entire world actually and she makes me feel better. I want to be able to talk freely, to express myself without fear of exposing a weakness and generally not give a single crap about bigoted idiots (and I mean completely not waste any braincells) because there are some things one just can’t help at a whim. But that’s a perfect world. Of course I can abruptly choose not to but that’s instability right there. I try to be this tough girl out and about when I’m still plagued by major insecurities and my mind is split and I have to consciously make decisions of what to say in response to someone. Conflicted. I will add that I’m grumpy today.
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