Post-Matt blues: Ruminations of a forlorn Whovian

Van Gogh inspired fanart. Via Pinterest, click to see the pin.

So I’ve finished Doctor Who and am where everyone else is at, awaiting the rein of Peter Capaldi. My body spasms in tears and the time in between them can extend for days. I cry in quiet little tremors and every tear is like an arrow that leaks through the cracks in my skin and strikes my singular human heart. It is finally sinking in that Matt is not The Doctor on screen anymore. I mean, and we all can agree, that he – like the other magnificent men – will always be The Doctor. Our Doctor.

It bites every time a face is lost to time, if you know what I mean. Matt, oh, Matt. Ugh. I can’t ever say anything proper. I love him unlike any other. The funny thing is that at the beginning, I acknowledged him as the enigmatic Time Lord before I realized he was an actor. I mean that in a good way, and there are some bad ways it could go because I understand that some actors don’t like to be stuck in our minds just as a particular character. Matt, nah. He seems to bathe in every second of it.

I … I just. Oh for the love of custard and fish bits! I’ll spit it out. His Doctor was one who was filled with the pain on the inside but tried to cover it up under this ever fresh coat of happy paint; fresh because he mostly means it. He was the optimist, the best friend (and the son-in-law, hehe), ever the fighter and believer in dreams and bow-ties and fezzes. Matt’s energy and well-spring of vitality always always makes me feel better about myself and this world, more than any of the previous two had. I haven’t emphasized enough on how much of a goof he was but it was so obvious to us Whovians.

An open letter to the suicidal

(US and International suicide hotlines at the end)

Dear fellow humans,

If you made it past a really bad yesterday it means that you’re still here today, able to reach a computer, your eyes aren’t burning badly and too blurry from exhaustion. That’s a lot than what some people can say, the ones that collapse into an unconscious heap, sleep-starved. I don’t know what your life is like so I’m not going to pretend that I do but I have an idea of  how it can knock a body down.

It’s extremely saddening to hear when someone gives up on the whole business of existing. Suicide isn’t the solution. If anything, it makes life even more terrible for those still alive. This is issue has been plaguing me off and on for the past few months; why is it so appealing? Oblivion? But what use is that? When so many people are fighting every second, grabbing with hands and feet onto the thread that still binds them to life.

“There’s no such thing as an ordinary human.”

~The (ninth) Doctor

To friends and family and co-workers and even strangers

I understand it’s difficult to spot when when someone is thinking about committing suicide but whenever you see a friend depressed or withdrawn, try to talk to them. A lot of people feel unloved and not cared for, that they’re so insignificant that their absence won’t even matter. Show them that you’re there whenever they need you.

I honestly can’t remember where I found this and I sincerely hope it’s not something I could be sued over.

To you, the suicidal

Don’t do it. Please please please don’t. You’re so much more than nothing. You can turn around if you try and you really have to try. If not for your sake now, think about the family and friends and the strangers you’ll never meet, because you can affect everyone of them. One man caused the holocaust, he made that difference. So what change can you, a good person, make?

“900 years of time and space and I’ve never met anyone who wasn’t important.”

- The (tenth) Doctor

You can be so much more. There might not be anyone else there for you but you. You are all that you have and you can be strong. I know, personally, someone who very nearly killed herself for the most stupid reason and today she see’s what a fool she was. Not all worries are stupid, or inconsequential but if you’re still breathing the next day, well, it means that it hasn’t destroyed you. If you can survive another day then you can do it again, again … and a thousand other days.

Welcome … to Night Vale

ANOTHER FANDOM JOINED! In other news … Haha, some of you will fail to be surprised. In all truth I began listening to this podcast since the beginning of the year and perhaps regular lurkers would guessed if they have noticed my background that’s been on for about a month and a half now. Have you ever heard of it? No? *gasps* Now, I’m am not one to aggressively attempt to induct the uninitiated  … but, like, seriously Check This Out! Night Vale in a few words: weird, creepy, L-O-L hilarious especially if  you’ve got a dark sense of humour, uplifting and philosophical.

via Pinterest

I am incapable of conveying what WTNV is about so as per usual I will quote somebody.

That calm, soothing voice communicates everything you need to know about the weirdest little town in the middle of nowhere. The words greet listeners in the first episode Welcome to Night Vale, a bi-weekly podcast created by Joseph Fink and Jeffrey Cranor.

The podcast presents a fictional radio broadcast from the desert town of Night Vale, emceed by its most popular radio host, Cecil Baldwin. Cecil discusses the daily occurrences of the town: news from the forbidden dog park, a new revelation from Old Woman Josie and her angels, or the mayoral race between The Faceless Old Woman Who Secretly Lives in Your Home (played by Mara Wilson) and the five-headed dragon fugitive Hiram McDaniels (played by Jackson Publick).

The show is currently second on iTunes’ list of top podcasts and has amassed a huge following on Tumblr.

- Sara Roncero-Menendez, Mashable.com

Smash the link to read more. I had no idea how weird I can be until listening to Cecil’s dulcet tones enunciating the impossible and the impossibility of existence (or his anyway).

A few reasons why I appreciate (a more mild alternative of wild adoration) WTNV in no particular order:

The Angels take Manhattan, oh bananas

Currently watching Doctor Who ‘The Angels take Manhattan’ and I am freaking out. I watch this a year ago, the last bit, without knowing any of the back story of the show and now that I’m in the know it’s a hundred times devastating!

That is all, my friends, that is all.

Good night, and beware of the Angels.

D.

Weekly Photo Challenge: Treasure

What do you treasure? What’s most important to you?

IN A NEW POST CREATED SPECIFICALLY FOR THIS PHOTO CHALLENGE CAPTURE SOMETHING YOU TREASURE.

When I think about treasure I think of them. They’re little people now but I can’t wait to see what kind of grown ups they’ll be years from now. It’s a privilege to be their big sister, I get to influence them, to make them be good and kind. I love them missing teeth, scarped knees, weird giggles and all. They fill my days with screamed warnings and annoyance but at the same time make me laugh and feel better when I’m stranded. They anchor me in a world that’s bent on challenging my will. Such days will come for all of ‘em and I’ll be there to get them through it. That’s what we do with our treasures, we protect them.

D.

Daily Post: Take That, Rosetta!

If you could wake up tomorrow and be fluent in any language you don’t currently speak, which would it be? Why? What’s the first thing you do with your new linguistic skills?

Photographers, artists, poets: show us TONGUE.

- February 10th

This is a toughie. I eventually want to teach English as a foreign language so I had narrowed down a few but asking me now to pick one, hmmm. I think I’ll tie with French and Italian. I’m breaking the rules here, but everyone love a rebel, right?

If I magically become fluent in French I’d jump at the chance to explore the lesser known art exhibits, where I believe a few jems are tucked away. I love the breathy, lilting sound of French words, the faraway feelings the evoke withing me. It sounds pretty.

If I woke up speaking Italian like a native: restaurants. Seriously. I hear authentic Italian food are to die for. It’s like a bonus because while I stuff my face I’ll have a lovely view out of what ever window I’d look out of. Like French, Italian to me is very expressive and … seems more alive than most of the languages I can recall ever hearing.

Both languages are romantic and I find their respective countries rich in culture that I’d love to study and experience. Both shoots a thorough dose of fernweh (which is German, by the way) though me.

D.

So, I went to the book store …

And this is what I found when I got back.

Looks like a pretty good haul if you ask me.

Eeep! I’ve been waiting for a couple of ages to get the Divergent series in physical copy so I could gobble them up properly. The covers are delicious and the two last ones are lovely hardcovers! I’ll be taking it easy with Percy Jackson but I have high hopes for those. A few of my aunts have recommended Agatha Christie, so check. Who am I kidding, I got my last push of encouragement from Doctor Who, there was that episode of Christie and a freaking huge wasp, Donna was cute about the whole thing.  Not exactly big a fan of Girsham, however, Kid Lawyer looks interesting though it sort of reminds me of his The Client, the most obvious difference is that this one’s for ages 8 and up.

I have an inclination to devour bits and pieces of archaeological finds, basically origins, and naturally when I stumbled across Written in Stone, I said why the heck not. I made sure to check that the narrative wasn’t bone dry, fortunately it seems promising. Unfortunately, when I was about to leave my eye snagged on a much larger, much detailed and graphic text. I was officially broke save for a few bucks and boy didn’t that suck? Also, upon the discovery of my cold pockets my heart clanged in painful angst when I saw Stephen King’s neat guide on writing. I’m mentally wailing at this point.

Oh well, I did go on a budget. I’m kind of worried though. I already have a stack of books to be read and I’ve finally dusted off The Fault in Our Stars

The music this week #2

This week is ending on high nerves and sweet depression. Music usually helps a lot, that’s why I can’t go a day without listening, it’s like a light in the darkness. I’m all for the older decades so some of these won’t surprise you. Here’s what’s been on my radio waves:

It’s Friday and fortunately for them they’re in love. Not me. I am a solitary soul and love is a dream.

I find that I liked the German version better. This translates to 99 Red balloons but I read somewhere that it’s actually ‘Air’ Balloons. I think the change was for political reasons, air balloons and the war, or I could be reading into it wrong. Nena’s voice has this breathy tone and I think it went well with the hard groovy beats. My family has gotten used to my dancing madly to this by now.

Need I say anything? This is sweet! I realize that the music change with the times and influences but I do wish there were more songs like this these days.

Weekly Photo Challenge: Juxtaposition

Wandering with my camera, I often find my eye drawn to strange bedfellows. Juxtapositions. Foils. Unexpected pairings.

- Michelle W, The Daily Post

 

I’d taken this some time late last year, right behind the school. The wire lined the entire compound, but this particular part of the fence separated us from the untamed green land some miles beyond. This section was shaded by a dwarf coconut tree, the one I’d like to stand under those hot days and it was on one such sweltering morning when I noticed these vines twisting their way around the length of the wire and the barbs.

The contrast was immediate. Such thriving life form that should dare to advance

Ladies and gents, I’ve entered yet another fandom

via Pinterest, click photo to see more.

I’m halfway through season one and have been taking it easy. I mean look at Merlin, all cute and rebellious and so so sassy. He gets into trouble and then I hold on tight and force myself to keep my eyes open to see things crash in front of him. Never mind that he manages to get off somehow, it’s painful to see stuff blow up in his face. I’m currently at ‘Lancelot’ and if you’ve seen that one, you’ll know the extent of trouble he could be in for.

Arthur might be a royal pain in the ass but I can understand why he sometimes act the way he does. He’s brave and noble and is feeling the weight of his responsibilities getting heavier by the day. Knowing what’s right and then going about to actually doing what is right is not as simple as I might have once thought. There are so many rules and customs, some unfair. It’s not easy being king. But seriously, he can be an ass.