Before you go further, I’d like to thank all those people who recently followed me. I mean, why? I’ve been active as a sloth in the summer (not sure how accurate that is, I know they are creepy looking and slow beyond comprehension). What I am try to say is this: thank you so much!
It’s not easy to communicate the way we feel especially to a person we trust. We worry about their opinion about us, because let’s face it it’s easy to say that ‘it doesn’t matter what people say’. I treat it as a blanket phrase. It matters when it’s someone we value, because they matter. I don’t know why I ever thought that writing about my problems should be any easier. I’ve started countless times only to scrap an entire post because I feel ridiculous and I realize just how much of a private person I am. I have read blogs where writers bare a good portion of their souls to perfect strangers and I think it’s both stupid and brave.
These days I’m hounding the scent of inspiration. It is what drives us, not only a good cause will be enough to stick to a goal; be it studying, to put in volunteer work, to work two jobs even if you don’t have to but because you think it will prove beneficial in the long run; to make your parents proud; to prove a point. We need the motivation, some of us need it as incentive to live another day, to not give up on ourselves. Let me share this quote I found:
People often say that motivation doesn’t last well. Well, neither does bathing. That’s why we recommend it daily” – Anon
I don’t admire the girl I was for the past five or six years ago, if I could I would slap her silly and tell her to grow up fast. The quicker she learned that time is running out, how very far she’s yet to go, how much she’ll suffer in her own hands; I wish I was more aware of my mortality and (ironically?) my own indifference or obliviousness, or both if it’s not already the same thing. I’m thankful that I did, at any rate. At the same time I heeded the timeless advice of learning from my mistakes, most of the time anyway. That’s progress.
I know a friend who had a recent revelation from a close family member and it has demoralized him so badly I want to comfort him but I can’t, not someone how has relied on himself so heavily all these years, someone who felt himself responsible for all the woes of his family. As much as I empathized, I was angry at him. Sure people we trust shock us, it is so easy to say they have lost their minds as the only plausible reason when it’s harder to admit that people change; while others just reveal themselves. He shouldn’t be blaming himself for every damned thing. I can’t tell him any of this when he misunderstands me in my moments of weakness because even then, he seems to think it’s all about him. I am pissed at that most.
I learned that music has the capacity to heal, to soothe the beast of emotion that nests inside us all. I loved it’s spectrum of reach, thrumming against me in so many colours and variations of touch that kneads into my muscles that had been tense without me know it. Until this one song (either FOB or very likely Arctic Monkeys) calmed me down from one of my rages, I had taken its power for granted, by the words of others on how life changing and affirming it is. And I’m listening to an alarming amount of alternative/indie rock. Should I be worried?
It’s a hustle out there and to survive means that you have to want to. Badly. We must be willing to give up on some things that hold us back to propel us forward, like our bad habits and old addictions and hardest of all I suppose: our insecurities.
I am aware, like really, aware that I write in the third person. What if this stuff doesn’t apply to you? I don’t like using ‘I’ or ‘me’ or ‘my’ frequently. For another thing, I’d be surprised that someone couldn’t relate to at least a single thing I mentioned. Then again, I don’t know any of you, huh?
A couple of last moment things:
- there’s the Brainy Quote app for iOS; tons of good stuff.
- Go Further is an amazing 8 Track playlist with motivational speeches from Neal De Grasse Tyson to Eric Thomas and more. Go and listen to it now. That’s not a suggestion.
- This was an impromptu post and I wanted to put it out there before I ditch it, who know how it might help someone? So bear with me if you seen any typos, green grocer’s apostrophes and the sort. I’m pretty sure I’ll beat myself up about it later.
Hey, have a good day/evening/night. Travel safe.