I’m tired

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I’m tired because I don’t get enough sleep, if I could help it I would. I’m tired of preaching to my sisters to close the tap properly, don’t they know how much water is being wasted? I’m tired of the judgmental people in my society who have no business in my affairs. I’m trying to learn how to ignore them, because they don’t matter. Of course I have opinions too but it’s up to you if you give a damn. I am tired of feeling weak and unable because I really know that’s a lie but sometimes lies feel really real.

I am tired of being sad and depressed of teenagers, and adults also, committing suicide ending their lives out of shame for one reason or another under pressure from peers and even neighbours. For being gay and unable to change that without hurting themselves, for being introverted and teased for being that way. Because they were being themselves.

Correct me if I am wrong but I get the general impression (via media) that we are being encouraged to be who we are, to not pretend to fit in because it is hurtful to us. Where is the sense in this opposition? Probably it’s because some people don’t share that ideology, wanting to force everyone else who can’t conform to their way of the way it should be, to be humiliated and scared into submission. To hell with that. Why can’t we all agree to disagree? Why do some derive pleasure in the pain of others? I know there is a line in expression somewhere, but how do we define it? Personally, I think it should be drawn when an ‘expression’ hurts the population, not when it offends. Now where is the distinction there? Again for instance; do gays increase my risk for cancer? Do they threaten the human race? Are they the reason behind global warming? This is a topic for another time.

I’m tired of people being blown up, gunned down and trampled. I’m tired of people killing other people in the name of God. I am pretty damn tired of seeing victims of war wondering from place to place, in fear of what will happen next. I am tired of seeing cities over run by unruly protestors and government forces damaging their countries, beautiful countries, rather than being civil about it. I think humans have come a far way, but war just rips the blinders away again, like a scab over a wound that is beginning to heal. The pain keeps things real.

I am tired of influential companies sharking around for more earth to exploit, more people to take advantage of. I know a lot of us depend on the energy, or whatever else commodity, but we have to move away from what harms us and our environment, I think we must protect what land we have before they only exist in the text books our children will read someday. I pray that I won’t be telling mine, “In my day, trees were everywhere. You could swim in the oceans, they weren’t so acidic then. We didn’t need respirators to walk outside …”

What gives me hope is the reminder that there still are a lot of good people around and as long as that they are there we won’t let the sharks stay around for too long. I must remember that there are kind people who quietly make a difference in our lives, we just don’t see it. While I worry about the big bad problems out there, I should be mindful about the positive happenings to keep me afloat and my faith in humans alive. I can’t condemn everyone just because of the mistakes of haters, ignorant idiots and those people who are just plain mean. What? You don’t like people? Yes, generally I do but not many realize that I’d rather keep to myself. People are wonderful and amazing as they are terrifying and destructive, I have a bone to pick with the latter, that’s all.

But still, when I say I’m tired I really am, and of a whole lot of other stuff too. But for now I hope to get a few things done, go to work and finally get a good night’s rest and take every day one step at a time in a world where time waits for no one.

~

Faith is the art of holding on to things in spite of your changing moods and circumstances.

– C.S. Lewis

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