Yesterday on the way to my aunt’s place, my uncle who was driving made a remark where he compared one of my sisters to myself on a certain aspect that I’m secretly touchy on. It hurt me even though he didn’t mean to, the man has no idea up till now. I know that there are countless people like me who dislike being compared to our siblings, relatives, friends and even co-workers, sometimes it burns, hotter especially when the contrast was deliberate.
I have a private diary thingy and here’s a part of what I’d written:
I know that it’s not right to think like that. I am me, I can’t ever be anyone else, I might look up to them and aspire to act like them in some way but that’s as far as it gets. I’m only able to admire her from the closest of distances but try as I might to imitate the better of her qualities, it’s beyond me. I have my own, qualities that is, and I’d appreciate it very much if people would turn to that than to say how I’m not like her. But I would be one to talk. For instance, I don’t mind a bit when I hear they say how outspoken I am, whereas she’s not, sometimes I’m a bit proud about that other times I wish I would just shut up but then I’d un-wish it because it’s not being me-like. This happens a lot.
Thing is, I can’t tell people how and what to think. I just have to suck it up but if they are wrong I might say something, or I would assert to myself that they are. I’m sensitive yes, but because this means a lot to me and it’s a very tender spot to mess around with a stick. It’s always good to know, like in Uncle K’s instance, that they meant no harm even though it pricks and draws blood. I tell this to myself often when I catch myself doing the very same thing: “Don’t judge and don’t compare heavily without really knowing, try not to do it at all because we can never really know someone even if we think we do”.
I know though that nobody’s perfect and comparing things and people are instinctive most of the time. We each have our own strengths, I know I have, and I believe it’s important to acknowledge that and that we nurse those very ones so that we get stronger at what we do best instead of contemplating what we’re not, simply because there are some things about ourselves that we cannot change. We’d be taking away that bit of us that’s unique or more like diluting our individuality and we can’t be having that, now should we?