I know today would end in disaster but my body refused to give into breaking down before sitting the exam. We prayed that enzymes wouldn’t come and our wish was granted. But my luck ended there. The food test I was hoping for was my undoing. Twenty freaking marks down a public toilet. I did what I could with the microscopy. I didn’t freak out and cry like a just born babe.
I accepted that I would fail this paper halfway through so I did what I could with what I could as the neglected cooling Bunsen burner jeered me as my hands slightly trembled as I focused the microscope. The discarded Visking tubing slumped in a pathetic little sodden heap in a corner. But I ignored them, after all there are much worse things than failing a paper. The world isn’t going to end. I can do it again because I’ll get up again and try again next year. I clung onto those thoughts and the relief and comfort they brought couldn’t be expressed.
What in the name of the rainbow pooping unicorn is a Visking tubing? I saw in a textbook once. That’s about it. To some the paper might be ridiculously simple but for a person like me who has little fondness for chemistry related calculations like the stuff we had to do, it was crazy scary. I might be dim or this stuff isn’t for me. Besides, we didn’t do this kind of experiments at school or anything very close of what we were asked to do. I was lost.
Whatever. The main thing was that I didn’t let myself to worry for too long. It’d only make me waste time, weaken my confidence and my deposition and would have let me embarrass myself by flubbing audibly and visually before the whole class. I tell myself not to worry about the things that I can’t change, because it’s going to happen in the end so make most of the time I’ve left to work with, so relax. I just kept calm and carried on 🙂