It was almost 6:30 PM, the heavens were bursting at the seams. A river had rained over my head. The thunder crashed some where in the dark blue velvet of the Caribbean sky in short bursts like a child throwing a tantrum. The lightening flashed a chastising glance at the thunder’s unruly rampage, zig zagging across the sky like a thousand snaking veins, pulsing with lethal energy.
And I sit here typing and thinking of how ridiculous Miley Cyrus’ hair is. Really. I will talk no more on that subject because I have more important things to worry over, like how many licks does it take to get to the centre of a lollypop. The people at Cambridge actually found out (as I’ve heard on twitter) but I can’t remember how much. I always end up chewing off the thing before I even get close to the centre. I will never know. NeVeR!
The title of the post might have told you that I’ll go crazy and you’re waiting to to see how I’ll get myself shipped of to the loony bin. That was my intent but sanity reclaimed the reins. Bummer, I know.
I look forward to losing my mind every now and again, it’s like a venting mechanism that get’s rid of the steam that builds up inside day after day as a result of frustration and the usual emotions that my alter ego twists at her bidding. Yep, you read right, I have an altar and she’s pathetic, dark, poisonous and full of self pity. And I beat the crap out of her when she thinks she can get the better of me, my good side.
If I let the stress of fighting for control plus other annoying, pain in the behind problems, build up too much things are bound to get out of hand. It usually ends in depression but eventually I get over it, I stop feeling sorry for me. Things have to be done, I have responsibilities and I have to keep on going. But in some kind of way I see depression isn’t all bad because every time when I pull myself together I realize that I won another round of this internal struggle.
I embrace my depressive phases willingly. It’s like being bitten by a viper and to get rid of the venom I’ll have to cut the wound, in the process I’ll have to endure the pain. My depression is the cut in my defenses but I let it take me, only for a while. I let it think it’s won but what happens is that, like the cut in the wound the poison trickles out of my system, I let dark thoughts drain out from me and what hope that’s left inside me will have room to flourish. I will always have hope.
Now you see the title of this post took on a different meaning, I let loose some personal thoughts here and that’s not a simple thing for me to let happen. There’s a chance that there are people who know who I am are reading this. They are not all well wishers, a fact.
Well haters know this: you cannot use what I’ve said against me because I’m strong and I couldn’t care less what you think of me because you know nothing about who I am so why should I give a flying fish? I’ve got family and friends, even the ones I don’t know personally in the blogosphere who are ready to stand by me and you’re just a bunch of hateful creatures.
Wow. That was all so cheerful. All I meant to write about were purple dinosaurs dancing ballet in frilly pink tutus. 😛
Thank you all for reading this semi-rant. Here’s to hoping we’ll all have a good week ahead 🙂