Depression hurts and I don’t think Cymbalta can help …

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There are times in our lives when despair over powers positive outlook and it feels as if we’ve plunged head first into its dark frigid waters. I am sinking beneath its murky depths and carried away by its ruthless current. My lungs are screaming from the lack of hope. I slowly turn to the darkness and pull the shadows like a cloak closer around me, finding a dark sort of comfort, and let stars fall from my eyes.

My salty tears surround me like a mist of my disappointment, of me not being strong enough, clever enough and focused enough to be the best that  can be and make the ones I love proud of me. To ease their pains and sorrows. Sinking deeper down willingly in the dark abyss of despair, my burning eyes snatch glimpses of the weak dreamy glow of the light from the restless surface.

My mind latched onto it as if a life preserver. I realize, that even in the merciless darkness, light will always be present, no matter what. I reach, my fingers groping for the light …  the cloak pulls me deeper yet, but I begin to resist. I must, but can I do it? How do I fight this overwhelming sense of despair? Oh! But I must. I can. And with everything I’ve got, I shall!

Can’t lose hope, lose faith in myself. Not yet, not ever. Despite those struggling thoughts, I’m still plagued with doubt, but that’s the wicked darkness speaking, its raspy voice whispering in my ear. I mustn’t let it get to me. So the battle begins.

I will be victorious.

I know this is rather depressing, but it is what it is. I write this and share it with you because it’s much easier than saying it out loud to someone I know for I don’t want to burden them with the knowledge of the conflicting emotions waging war within me, and make things worse. Blogging has become an outlet for releasing the words jumbled up in my head and I am very grateful to you  guys for coming by and sharing your thoughts with me  :)

Devina.

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